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I received this letter recently from George Washington. (Yes, that George Washington)
Hello John. I write to one citizen per decade we don’t have computers up here so we get our addresses from Santa’s naughty or nice list. So far Santa has you listed as questionable. Better watch out; better not pout.
When I got up here I thought the admittance rules were kinda strict. They gave me a bad time because of that cherry tree incident. Big deal. Also I was planning on spending eternity with Martha, but she up and ran off with that jerk, Benedict Arnold.
One reason for writing this letter is to see if you can get my image put on some currency of more value than a one dollar bill. It is very degrading for me. People make fun of me here—especially that fool Andrew Jackson. How come he can get on a twenty and I only get a one? I spent all that winter freezing my butt off at Valley Forge trying to create a great country for you guys and that’s the thanks I get.
And while you’re at it see if you can get a better likeness of me. You got a lotta artists there. I was really somewhat of a lady’s man, you know. And how about a smile on my face? They got me looking like I got a hold of a bad enchilada or that I need an enima.
Well, I must go now. I have a golf date with Gen. MacArthur. I wanted to invite Harry Truman but the general is still furious at him. I remind him, forgive, forgive, but does he listen?
I will try to write more this decade.
Your new friend, George
